Reflections and Poetry

The trouble with living with boys: a reflection

Domestic bliss… Not

Yesterday was one of, if not the, worst days of our family life. I could not say anything without it being refuted. It was maddening. I extricated myself for a while… I should have stayed out until everyone went to bed, because I was home for half an hour and it all started again.

In my household there are three of us: my hubby, my son and me. I’m the odd one out. It used to be my hubby and me; I was the odd one out. Then my son was born and for most of his life, until now, it’s been my son and me, with my hubby as the odd one out. Now I’m the odd one out again, because male logic has trumped female sensitivity. It’s a household where, if you can’t prove it with math or logic, you are shut out, incorrect, have to defend your position if you want to take a position.

Here’s where the wisdom comes in… a bit too late for yesterday’s horrible day of strife.

The LORD puts us in families (lots of ways to define that but not the point to explore today). Right now, as “iron sharpens iron”, He is sharpening me, preparing me, humbling me, through my family dynamics, so that I can take a step back from my emotions, be more precise in how I use words verbally (… versus as I writer, since as I writer I tend to be fairly precise by profession) and sharpen my thinking skills generally.

Women on the whole may be acutely aware of situations but less prone to speak about things as concisely as men (I’m overgeneralising of course, but men to tend to be more fact-based according to psychologist reports). So, we often lose a battle of words, if we’re evenly matched in capability and education.

Now, in my family, my young man and my husband echo one another and I no longer face one to one, but two against one; I’m the one and I don’t like it.

But the LORD put me in this situation for at least one reason: I’m here on this earth to be perfected by Him. The domestic life which is challenging will do that, if I don’t become faint-hearted.

So what is this reflection for?

To encourage other wives and mothers who experience strife in their homes which they know they should be able to avoid, but can’t seem to manage it.

I shared vaguely my frustration about yesterday with a prayer group I have on-line. I didn’t bother with details but just described a miserable day of strife which was largely my fault. One friend came back with scripture:

“Fear thou not, for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” (Isaiah 41:10)

Amen to that.

I suppose we women need to come together now and then, to help us ensure we aren’t always the odd one out.  We lift each other up, encourage each other to dig deeper and look longer at what the LORD is doing in us, and help us to communicate more effectively to the other half of society. We all are richer for each other; fellowship offers greater vibrancy in our lives.

Acknowledging differences

And finally, being aware that men and women are different, not only biologically, but also in our ways of thinking, we can choose our battles (which is generally futile) and engage with clear-thinking minds and hearts full of compassion, in order to minister to others of both sexes.

I’ve a long way to go before I can discuss even-temperedly with my male counterparts at home. But I will find a way, because the LORD is with me. He’s with them too, and so He’s making us all sharper.

My prayer is that I don’t cut them or myself, but allow the LORD to do His thing in pruning us all.


By Dr Sarah Tun

Dr Sarah Tun began her professional career as a teacher. Years later she became a performing artist and administrator to property development. She felt the Call to write full time in 2004. Dr Sarah has traveled extensively, and lived in New York City (for a year), London England (for a long time) and Hong Kong (briefly) before returning to her home in Ontario, Canada, then to Spain and finally now, has re-settled in her adoptive home of England. She graduated with degrees in Drama, Education and diplomas in Acting and Theology. Most recently she was awarded Honorary Doctor of Ministry and became ordained. Her favourite experience to date has been following her Creator and Lord. She doesn't think Life can get any better! Dr Sarah Tun is author, singer, preacher, writing coach and all-round enthusiast, celebrating and seeking to inspire all of us to quench our thirst for deeper intimacy with God through the Holy Spirit.

2 replies on “The trouble with living with boys: a reflection”

Thanks Sarah

Hope alls well with you and yours. I thought with interest after looking at the subject you have chosen – Loneliness & Conflict, And after reading the scripture in (John 14:27) in my Jewish Bible I could clearly see why many people have, on going issues with conflicts, and the stressful loneliness, that can steal the truth, both these divisive issues are not a problem to those who Yeshua (Jesus), has sent the Helper to… Sow??? He may??? be with you > forever< the Spirit of Truth. (John 14:16-17-18). I have spoken to people in prison, who can expeareance peace even if they do not know the Messiah. However they cannot have the shalom He gives us. At times we can be on our own with the Ruach of God, but never expeareance loneliness. If anyone is suffering with this and continual conflicts, then they need the in dwelling of the Kodesh Ruach – Holy Spirit. Sarah remember what the original Hebrew of this scripture Yeshua said??? "My shalom I leave with you." With due respect there is a vast difference between the Gentiles meaning of peace. And the Hebrew of shalom… meaning nothing missing or broken… A similar understanding of the deep spiritual stillness within that shalom is… The woman with the issue of blood, was considered untouchable especially by the religious Rabbis. When she touched the Tazitzit blue cord on Yeshua's Tallit, Instantly she received shalom? Because she knew the answer to her blood issues, was written in the Law of Moses… And she had come to an end of herself, Yeshua knew this because she was willing to be stoned, for touching a Rabbi, whilst having a blood issue.
People with issues which are divisive by there hidden agendas??? need to come to an end of such behavioural problems, and start a living relationship with Jesus Messiah.
Nice talking with you again Sarah…



Thank you for your clear and sound comment, Howard. It is so true that through the Spirit, all healing can be received and all loneliness and isolation dispelled. I hope others with reflect on your words as they are wisdom of the LORD.

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