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For Mothers

For Mothers: Honesty is the best Policy

If you want your child to be honest with you, don’t lie to him/her… not even a tiny lie. Honesty is the best policy.

If you want your child to trust you, tell the truth (not necessarily frank, blunt, rude or totally transparent or age-inappropriate, but be honest).

If you want a relationship built upon trust, be honest with your children. In everything, be honest. That’s what I believe.

I’ve never lied to my child

I made a decision when my boy was very young, never to lie to him.

Of course there are things I don’t share. Age appropriateness is important to a child’s well being.

But I remember when my son was heading toward his first Christmas and I thought, ‘I’m not going to encourage Santa Claus stories. I won’t fabricate or lie. I won’t tell him there’s no Father Christmas, but I won’t encourage the story either.’ 

Why not encourage Santa? 

There is a principle in child rearing, “Start the way you want to finish.”

I decided never to lie to my son because one day, when I said to him, “Don’t lie me,” I didn’t want him to come back at me and say I’d lied to him.

I figured if I never lied to him, I would have moral authority over the argument about truthfulness. If I told him the truth, I would be fostering honesty, whereas if I lied even on something like Santa Clause, I wouldn’t be able to say, “I’ve never lied to you” and he could accuse me of hypocrisy.

One day it happened!

And sure enough, that day of accusation came. 

One day, I said I expected him to tell me the truth. He said I’d not always told him the truth. I said I had.

He said, ”What about Santa Claus?”

We talked it through and he realised that, yes indeed, I’d never lied to him about Santa. I had never announced or endorsed Santa. I’d never even given him a present from Santa, but the unlabelled presents he’d assumed were from Santa.

I’m so grateful

My son and I get along very well. I’m so grateful.

I’m sure my son has secrets — He needs to grow independently as he grows in his adulthood. And I give him room, give him his privacy. 

But I’m also convinced, he doesn’t lie to me. I’m so grateful.

I really believe honesty is always the best policy. We need wisdom to ensure what is shared is always healthy, age relevant information. But in our mothering, I encourage us all to be honest with our children.

Categories
For Mothers

For Mothers: Let them run… without helmets

Dear Mothers, Fathers, Governments, 

Please allow our nations’ children to play….

This is a plea

Today around the Western World, children are sanitised to such an extent that playground equipment is limited, sport is limited, on the basis of health and safety.

Councils safeguarding children ban all sorts of play equipment. Helmets must be worn when cycling, skiing, sledging… all in the name of safety.

But where is the fun!?

What are we all so afraid of?

I’m all in favour of protecting our children. Mothers have an innate sense of “seeing the danger” that children don’t have, because they don’t have the experience and they don’t have the inbuilt sense of forward thinking that mothers have.

But in safeguarding physical safety, are we not stunting our children’s growth socially, emotionally, and even physically, as we limit their freedom and their experiences so that they learn to self protect?

May I encourage us all to allow our children to play freely. Can we not find a meadow, find a garden, find a space where there is no traffic, and let them play unhindered?

Every blessing, 

Sarah