Tag: sibling rivalry

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GOD'S STORY

GOD’s STORY: Part 177 Motive makes (or breaks) the man

When Judah rescued Joseph from the pit and had him sold into slavery, it wasn’t a nice outcome for Joseph, but it kept him alive.

Reuben had a motive to keep him alive also, but it was in reference to himself.

Motive, makes or breaks the man

We see this when we look at Reuben and Judah.

How do we prepare as the Bride of Christ? One aspect is to learn GOD’S STORY. He created us in His image…. Piece by piece, and peace by peace, we learn to walk as He has walked. And we learn His perspective.

Genesis 37:29-31

“Then Reuben returned to the pit, and indeed Joseph was not in the pit; and he tore his clothes. And he returned to his brothers and said, “The lad is no more; and I, where shall I go?”

So they took Joseph’s tunic, killed a kid of the goats, and dipped the tunic in the blood. Then they sent the tunic of many colours, and they brought it to their father and said, “We have found this. Do you know whether it is your son’s tunic or not?”

When Reuben discovers Joseph is gone, he is worried about himself. “Where shall I go?” He bellows.

The men kill and skin a goat, so that Reuben can save his own skin. Imagine the pain and horror of Jacob, when he hears the story of his son’s demise… from his other sons. 

As for Judah, he has said little, and yet, he has ensured the safety of the boy without raising suspicious attention to himself.

When the one wants to save his brother and the other himself, both achieve their ends. And yet, it is the line of Judah which GOD uses to bring forth the Messiah.

Motive matters to GOD… more than outcome. That is worth remembering — especially when our outcome might not yield what we expect.

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GOD'S STORY

GOD’s STORY: part 172 Who is my Brother?

Do we know our siblings?

Joseph might well have considered, “Who is my brother” before he ventured into the wilderness to find the eleven.

Preparing the Bride for GOD’s Story

How do we prepare as the Bride of Christ? One aspect is to learn GOD’S STORY. He created us in His image…. Piece by piece, and peace by peace, we learn to walk as He has walked. And we learn His perspective.

Genesis 37:12-17

Now his brothers went to pasture their father’s flock near Shechem. And Israel said to Joseph, “Are not your brothers pasturing the flock at Shechem? Come, I will send you to them.” And he said to him, “Here I am.” So he said to him, “Go now, see if it is well with your brothers and with the flock, and bring me word.” So he sent him from the Valley of Hebron, and he came to Shechem. And a man found him wandering in the fields. And the man asked him, “What are you seeking?” “I am seeking my brothers,” he said. “Tell me, please, where they are pasturing the flock.” And the man said, “They have gone away, for I heard them say, ‘Let us go to Dothan.’” So Joseph went after his brothers and found them at Dothan.”

How out of touch is Jacob?

I don’t know Joseph’s age is at this point, and I don’t know how safe or threatening is the vicinity (the settlers are tribal), and I don’t know if Jacob knew his sons very well… but it seems to me, for Jacob to send is youngest son to find the brothers — and to observe and bring back an assessment — seems naive.

How out of touch is Joseph?

Did Joseph have any idea how much his brothers hated him? Was he so arrogant as to think he was beyond vulnerability? 

And when he couldn’t find his brothers, Joseph was found by a stranger wandering around with no idea what to do.

Joseph, sent by his father who favours him over all his brothers, is walking into danger without a clue. His father has sent him, also without a clue of danger.

Echos in History

Has anyone else noticed there is an echo of David being sent by his father to see his brothers, and being totally mocked by them. Did David’s father know the story of Jacob? (1 Samuel 17)

What is it about Hebrew families? Perhaps it is that they have the same human issues that other families have. Or perhaps it is that with the families where there are marriage issues, sibling rivalries, and the like, there is a bitterness that is beyond the imagination of the father.

Today’s message

Surely the take-away from this, pertinent to today, is just how valuable and essential it is to have a good father/son relationship within families. Love, intimacy, and interaction are important and when there are multiple wives, even more-so.

Favouritism is unhelpful as is jealousy. Looking down on someone because of their youth or favour, or doubting their usefulness because of their youth, is short-sighted. Over and over, we see favour on the young, and blessings following them. Jacob was the younger of two sons. Samuel was a mere child when GOD called him. David was the chosen one; though he was young, he proved his physical strength, his courage, and his faithfulness. GOD honours those after His heart,

Those who are the elder, do not look down on those younger. Those who are young, do not despise your youth. GOD will choose whom He will choose and it will not be based upon sight, but by the heart of the person.

Blessings, 

Sarah

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GOD'S STORY

GOD’s STORY: part 170 Infighting

Favouritism is not the way to parent. It causes jealousy, sibling rivalry, and infighting. 

Preparing the Bride for GOD’s Story

How do we prepare as the Bride of Christ? One aspect is to learn GOD’S STORY. He created us in His image…. Piece by piece, and peace by peace, we learn to walk as He has walked. And we learn His perspective.

Genesis 37:3-4

“Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age. Also he made him a tunic of many colours. But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peaceably to him.”

Can you imagine the atmosphere in the Jacobson household?

“Look what Dad made for me?” Says Joseph. Was he a boaster or just totally lacking in any kind of sensitivity. Was he so enamoured with the love of his father, he never realised the others didn’t get the same? Or was he aware his brothers hated him so he took solace in being his father’s favoured son?

Whatever Joseph’s perspective, we know that his brothers hated him and could not speak civilly to him (Genesis 37:4).

And how did Jacob see things? Did he acknowledge all his sons though favouring one, or was every bit of his attention lavished on Joseph with nothing left for his other sons? Like Esau who was left no blessing and no inheritance in favour of Jacob, did Jacob give all to him, leaving nothing for the others?

What we learn from other passages is the great resentment between Joseph and his brothers. Sadly, although resentment is not a good state or quality, the brothers had ample reason to be jealous.

What a household

Two brothers don’t speak to one another (Jacob and Esau) because the clever one pulled the rug out from the other.

Two sisters fight over mandrakes because one of them wants to have a baby. 

12 brothers – between 4 mothers – and the youngest is hated by all the rest. 

One father with 12 sons, but he lavishes attention on one in particular.

I wonder what it was like at the dinner table?

Perhaps the one thing the brothers had in common was their hatred for the youngest — that’s what would pull them together. And what would pull them apart was the idea to eliminate the problem.

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GOD'S STORY

GOD’s STORY part 169 The heart of the Father

Sibling rivalry

The Jacob’s household was full of sibling rivalry. Here we will examine the root over the next few instalments. The heart of the father is so vital to family harmony, and so central to family disharmony. This we see right from the start of the story of Joseph.

Preparing the Bride for GOD’s Story

How do we prepare as the Bride of Christ? One aspect is to learn GOD’S STORY. He created us in His image…. Piece by piece, and peace by peace, we learn to walk as He has walked. And we learn His perspective.

Genesis 37:1-2

“Now Jacob dwelt in the land where his father was a stranger, in the land of Canaan. This is the history of Jacob. Joseph, being seventeen years old, was feeding the flock with his brothers. And the lad was with the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives; and Joseph brought a bad report of them to his father.”

Introduction to Joseph

Here is the youngest of the sons of Jacob and what does he do? He tattles on his brothers. 

Perhaps because they were half brothers, sons of the servant “wives” who had lower status he does this. Perhaps Joseph was spoilt rotten. Perhaps he just lacked diplomacy, sophistication, or simply wanted to please his father. We don’t know Joseph’s motives but we do know his actions, and these actions would have created fury in the brothers.

And at the root of the entire story of Joseph lies the disharmony between the brothers and him.

Joseph lacked wisdom as a youth

Wisdom develops with age and experience. This youth lacked wisdom. And as a consequence, he sowed division between himself and the brothers, which would later cause him no end of grief. 

How might GOD be teaching us about — today?

What can we learn from this today?

As readers, we are likely to be older than Joseph was in these chapters. Perhaps older than the brothers. Perhaps as old as Jacob. A key for us is this,

Look ahead before we speak or act. What effect will our words or actions have on others? How can we ensure we sow love, joy and peace, even if we are calling others to account?

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GOD'S STORY

GOD’s Story: part 167 Esau is Edom & Edom is Esau

Through Esau came the nation of Edom… In fact, Esau is Edom and Edom is Esau.

Preparing the Bride for GOD’s Story

How do we prepare as the Bride of Christ? One aspect is to learn GOD’S STORY. He created us in His image…. Piece by piece, and peace by peace, we learn to walk as He has walked. And we learn His perspective.

Genesis 36:1-30

“Now this is the genealogy of Esau, who is Edom. Esau took his wives from the daughters of Canaan: Adah the daughter of Elon the Hittite; Aholibamah the daughter of Anah, the daughter of Zibeon the Hivite; and Basemath, Ishmael’s daughter, sister of Nebajoth. Now Adah bore Eliphaz to Esau, and Basemath bore Reuel. And Aholibamah bore Jeush, Jaalam, and Korah. These were the sons of Esau who were born to him in the land of Canaan. 

“Then Esau took his wives, his sons, his daughters, and all the persons of his household, his cattle and all his animals, and all his goods which he had gained in the land of Canaan, and went to a country away from the presence of his brother Jacob. For their possessions were too great for them to dwell together, and the land where they were strangers could not support them because of their livestock. So Esau dwelt in Mount Seir. Esau is Edom. And this is the genealogy of Esau the father of the Edomites in Mount Seir. These were the names of Esau’s sons: Eliphaz the son of Adah the wife of Esau, and Reuel the son of Basemath the wife of Esau. And the sons of Eliphaz were Teman, Omar, Zepho, Gatam, and Kenaz. Now Timna was the concubine of Eliphaz, Esau’s son, and she bore Amalek to Eliphaz. These were the sons of Adah, Esau’s wife. These were the sons of Reuel: Nahath, Zerah, Shammah, and Mizzah. These were the sons of Basemath, Esau’s wife. These were the sons of Aholibamah, Esau’s wife, the daughter of Anah, the daughter of Zibeon. And she bore to Esau: Jeush, Jaalam, and Korah.

“These were the chiefs of the sons of Esau. The sons of Eliphaz, the firstborn son of Esau, were Chief Teman, Chief Omar, Chief Zepho, Chief Kenaz, Chief Korah, Chief Gatam, and Chief Amalek. These were the chiefs of Eliphaz in the land of Edom. They were the sons of Adah. These were the sons of Reuel, Esau’s son: Chief Nahath, Chief Zerah, Chief Shammah, and Chief Mizzah. These were the chiefs of Reuel in the land of Edom. These were the sons of Basemath, Esau’s wife. And these were the sons of Aholibamah, Esau’s wife: Chief Jeush, Chief Jaalam, and Chief Korah. These were the chiefs who descended from Aholibamah, Esau’s wife, the daughter of Anah. These were the sons of Esau, who is Edom, and these were their chiefs.

“These were the sons of Seir the Horite who inhabited the land: Lotan, Shobal, Zibeon, Anah, Dishon, Ezer, and Dishan. These were the chiefs of the Horites, the sons of Seir, in the land of Edom. And the sons of Lotan were Hori and Hemam. Lotan’s sister was Timna. These were the sons of Shobal: Alvan, Manahath, Ebal, Shepho, and Onam. These were the sons of Zibeon: both Ajah and Anah. This was the Anah who found the water in the wilderness as he pastured the donkeys of his father Zibeon. These were the children of Anah: Dishon and Aholibamah the daughter of Anah.These were the sons of Dishon: Hemdan, Eshban, Ithran, and Cheran. These were the sons of Ezer: Bilhan, Zaavan, and Akan. These were the sons of Dishan: Uz and Aran. These were the chiefs of the Horites: Chief Lotan, Chief Shobal, Chief Zibeon, Chief Anah, Chief Dishon, Chief Ezer, and Chief Dishan. These were the chiefs of the Horites, according to their chiefs in the land of Seir.”

The Chronology of Esau is detailed

A theology of Esau is interesting and if I were more briefed in theological matters of this type, I would have knowledge of the various characters listed. My over-arching thought is that the depth is remarkable. Why are we given so much family tree detail?

I believe the LORD gives these details because Esau and his descendants matter to the LORD. We see their is a structure of leadership. There is a respect within the family line.

This information also offers further credibility as to the soundness of Biblical text.

Esau removed his family from vicinity of Jacob

In much the same manner as Lot separated from Abraham, Esau left the proximity of his brother Jacob (verse 6-7).

Was it simply in order to feed the flocks, as it states? Or was it to avoid rivalry? Was their a recognition in Esau that his brother would always be blessed and to experience his own blessing, Esau needed to separate from the competition?

Families are riddled with complication, competition, and Esau had been tricked repeatedly, and had observed the blessing over his brother. There is no wonder he wanted to start afresh, on his own.

A look into the Future

Esau’s land would become Edom and we know from later historical accounts, the Edomites would be a nation that would fight against Israel.

GOD is always for reconciliation, community and peace. Jesus is the Prince of Peace. How tragic that this first separation would be key in the warmongering and eventual disintegration of the nation GOD was so keen to ensure would survive forever (and its people, and the nation have survived!)

We have Israel even now. And where is Edom? Nowhere. May we learn from this and learn not to battle against but to support the Israelites as the LORD commands us to. 

“Pray for the peace of Jerusalem… May they prosper who love you.” (Psalm 122:6)

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GOD'S STORY

GOD’s STORY: part 131 Rebekah, a Woman of Influence

Following on from the previous post, Isaac blesses Jacob and sends him away to find a “good” wife from within the family line… In this we see Rebekah is indeed, a woman of influence.

Preparing the Bride for GOD’s Story

How do we prepare as the Bride of Christ? One aspect is to learn GOD’S STORY. He created us in His image…. Piece by piece, and peace by peace, we learn to walk as He has walked. And we learn His perspective.

Genesis 28:1-5

“Then Isaac called Jacob and blessed him, and charged him, and said to him: “You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan. Arise, go to Padan Aram, to the house of Bethuel your mother’s father; and take yourself a wife from there of the daughters of Laban your mother’s brother.

“May God Almighty bless you,
And make you fruitful and multiply you,
That you may be an assembly of peoples;

And give you the blessing of Abraham,
To you and your descendants with you,
That you may inherit the land
In which you are a stranger,
Which God gave to Abraham.”

So Isaac sent Jacob away, and he went to Padan Aram, to Laban the son of Bethuel the Syrian, the brother of Rebekah, the mother of Jacob and Esau.” 

Rebekah: A Woman of Influence

Even in cultures where women are subservient to men, never let it be said they all have no voice. 

A mother will do anything to protect her child.

Does Rebekah love Jacob but not Esau? We don’t know (other than Jacob was more domestic and Esau was a hunter). But what we do know is that before her children were born, she enquired of the LORD about the battle in her womb, and the LORD said clearly how history would play out…

“And the Lord said to her:

“Two nations are in your womb,
Two peoples shall be separated from your body;
One people shall be stronger than the other,
And the older shall serve the younger.” (Genesis 25:23)

Although Rebekah may have had limited freedom in a male dominated culture, she was discerning and clever, and ensured within her cultural constraints, that what she understood to be GOD’s will, came to pass.

Seek the LORD

To all of us, I say simply, “seek the LORD” (Deuteronomy 4:29) and seek to honour His will, and He will ensure the desires of your heart. 

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GOD'S STORY

GOD’S STORY: Part 126 Birthright

The hunter and the chef

Here are two brothers, twins even, but very different from one another. The elder is about to sell his birthright to his younger brother…

Preparing the Bride for GOD’s Story

How do we prepare as the Bride of Christ? One aspect is to learn GOD’S STORY. He created us in His image…. Piece by piece, and peace by peace, we learn to walk as He has walked. And we learn His perspective.

Genesis 25:24-28

“Now Jacob cooked a stew; and Esau came in from the field, and he was weary. And Esau said to Jacob, “Please feed me with that same red stew, for I am weary.” Therefore his name was called Edom.

But Jacob said, “Sell me your birthright as of this day.”

And Esau said, “Look, I am about to die; so what is this birthright to me?”

Then Jacob said, “Swear to me as of this day.

So he swore to him, and sold his birthright to Jacob. And Jacob gave Esau bread and stew of lentils; then he ate and drank, arose, and went his way. Thus Esau despised his birthright.”

Brotherly love

To suggest Esau and Jacob were loving brothers might be a bit of a stretch.

The hunter, Esau, must have loved his meat. And from the text, we see he’s rather impulsive. He gives up his right as the firstborn son, with all it’s inheritance implications, to his brother who appears to be an opportunist, and perhaps with something of cunning in his character — taking advantage of his brother’s lack of foresight — all for a bowl of stew.

There doesn’t appear to be much love between them. 

Parental preferences

We know from the previous text, Isaac preferred Esau and Rebekah preferred Jacob. How much did this manifest jealousy or rivalry, between the boys, we don’t know. But we can imagine it wasn’t a good set up. 

Perhaps the passive Isaac simply preferred Esau because he was first. Perhaps Rebekah was aware the younger son was more clever, or maybe she simply got on better with him as he preferred to work around the camp. 

What we do know

Preferring one child over another can pit brother against brother. That can bring about family issues, as it did within Isaac’s family. Teaching our children to favour is damaging; whereas teaching them to love and respect one another, valuing our differences, is enriching and wise.

The relationship between Esau and Jacob will unfold in the following chapters of Genesis. But I believe much of it hinged on the relationship between and with the parents. 

Abraham was a father who sacrificed. Through him, the line of the Hebrew people began, and the everlasting promise was made from GOD to man. We’ll see as the story unfolds, just how the faith of one man brought about salvation to all mankind, even though the offspring — even just a generation and two beyond the father — proved unworthy of that gift of promise.

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For Mothers

For Mothers: Peace

Peace can be identified in many ways: inner peace of mind; familial peace and harmony in the home; political peace within and between nations: these are three general concepts of peace.

As mothers, we can sow peace by teaching our families to love and to forgive.

What is love

Love is kindness in action. Love is forgiving wrongs. Love is accepting differences. Love is encouraging unity even in diversity. Love is respecting others and oneself. Love is vital within family and community.

Mother’s opportunity to teach

Mothers sow love in the home by finding peaceful solutions. Mothers sow love through self acceptance and teaching others to forgive themselves and others. Mothers sow love by teaching others to apologise and take responsibility for mistakes. Mothers sow love by loving unconditionally and modelling it for their children.

Mothers share forgiveness

Siblings need to learn to share and to forgive. Mothers can teach this by providing opportunities to share on the one hand, and by respecting children’s needs to have their own property on the other. Mothers encouraging their children to apologise — and to forgive –helps those children to grow in responsibility and kindness.

Mothers role modelling love and forgiveness

Above all, mothers loving and forgiving wrongs models a way of peace and mutual respect, responsibility and cooperation, that will stand our children in good stead in life.

Learning love will help society to be remodelled toward peace and harmony that seems to be slipping away.

Reshaping Society for the better

Love in this increasingly hostile and divided world is a value and way of life that is desirable… and possible. Let’s show our children how to live in love and so gain a world of peace.