Tag: parentingtips

Categories
For Mothers

To argue or not to Argue?

Arguing with our children is a waste of energy. It is unproductive, it weakens our position, and it doesn’t help them to grow into productive, pleasant, and peaceful people.

To argue or not to argue? Not.

Giving our children a voice

I believe it is vital to encourage our children to express themselves, to learn they have a voice — their point of view matters and it’s good to share, to discuss perspectives. This is not arguing.

I believe it is important to enable our children to stand up for themselves. This is not arguing.

I believe we need to stand our ground when we are demonstrating obedience is important. Otherwise, how will a child get on with teachers, employers? This might bring arguments. But don’t argue.

Why kids argue

It is important, I think, to recognise that arguments usually take form when one or other person feels powerless. Sometimes our children will be relatively powerless, for example, when we have to make a decision on their behalf, based upon a lot of different needs and varying circumstances. But if we argue with our children, what are we really saying? We’re saying our words are equal to theirs — which they are not. As the parent, as the adult, we do hold more responsibility, more wisdom, more experience, and more power. The buck stops with us, in terms of safety, family harmony, long-term outcome.

If we’re not to argue, then what?

Let’s teach our children negotiation. Not manipulation, but honest negotiation. Chances are, our children will come up with possible trade-offs that will show us just how important their corner, their desire, their stance is. Or it will reveal to them, their “want” isn’t that important after all. Is it worth cleaning the car or doing errands in exchange for the money they’re asking for, or the visit to a friends that they want to make, when it clashes with a family visit to — somewhere else?

Let’s teach our children intelligent debate. They can demonstrate with facts the benefits of what they want to do versus the cost in finance or quality family time or homework or their safety.

Let’s teach our children to give as well as to receive.

And let’s hug and love them more than they squabble — with siblings, with you, with anyone.

Is there a time to compromise?

If you’re always giving in, they will experience your weakness and feel insecure because you haven’t strong boundaries.

If you never give in, they’ll learn they have no voice or that their dreams and interests aren’t important.

Navigating parenthood is just as new for us as their navigating life is for our children. We are the adults, so we need to give clarity for our children to feel secure, safe, and loved.

And always, we put love first, so that our children know we’re listening and know we care. Boundaries, yes — for their safety and for family harmony. But flexibility too, so we can discover who our children are, just as they are journeying through life to do the same.

Blessings,

Sarah

Categories
For Mothers

For Mothers: School Rules

Recently, a head master decided to start the school year off right with expectations of strong behavioural boundaries of do’s and don’ts. School Rules: are they important for children’s success?

Are School Rules important?

Interim principle Dan Jeffries (Daily Mail, 17th September 2026) set out strict rules at Frome Community College in Somerset, with standards set against persistent disruption. It seems some parents were not happy. On the other hand, the fact there is an interim head suggests a strict policy may be needed, so the students will take his rules seriously. 

Frome Community College is a comprehensive secondary school.

We know from Katharine Birbalsingh, Headmistress of Michaela Community School in Wembley, and arguably the best comprehensive school in Britain, that discipline is the best and most important attribute to success.

Parents and Teacher to row together

It seems a bit discouraging that there is a disagreement between some of the parents and this head teacher. It’s a bit like 2 parents  in the family disagreeing, whereby the children therefore do not get a clear message and without it, lack the incentive to abide by the rules set forth with respect.

This is a potentially a big problem.

Discipline to learn

There need to be boundaries and discipline in the classroom (and at home) in order for children to learn. On the other hand, one hopes the environment of any school will exude an atmosphere of warmth and respect.

If parents object to the head of the school being strict with the students, the children receive “mixed messages” and therefore may quite naturally object to the discipline. 

Some caught in the crossfire

Rules aren’t made to be broken (contrary to the old phrase!). Neither do they exist to squash enthusiasm, creativity and fun! In the case of Frome Community College, apparently, some innocence were caught in the crossfire. 

How do we ensure learning, a stimulating environment, and an atmosphere of mutual respect?

Value of Home Influence on School Results

I think it starts at home. If children are taught to respect their elders and those in authority, they are less likely to act up in school. 


There is an old proverb: ‘Train a child in the way s/he should go, and when s/he grows up, s/he will not depart from it.’

Of course we must support and if necessary, defend our children. But may I encourage us all to loan respect to the teachers of our children, giving them room to teach and to make mistakes too. Can we work alongside them, in encouraging our children to take authority seriously, not so that they be bullied or dominated, but so they can learn how to cope with authority in work and in life. 


Head teachers and staff at schools are not infallible, but most are there to teach, encourage, and instruct our children. Let’s help them by giving them the benefit of the doubt at the start of the year, so that our children can learn and grow, not only in the subject matter they study, but within the social hierarchy and dynamics of the school in which they are placed.

My thoughts… as a mum and formerly, a classroom teacher.

Please feel free to share yours in the Comments. I’d love to hear from you.

Categories
For Mothers

For Mothers: Dance into Tomorrow

For Mothers, I have a secret… You know how largely, if our children are happy, so are we? Well, it works both ways. A child who sees a happy parent, is also happy.

Happiness is infectious

… So, dance into tomorrow.

Physical expression of our emotions is healthy exertion. Dancing is one way of expressing ourselves and it’s great exercise too. Whether it is literal, or simply a phrase, to dance is to bring lightness and joy into whatever we are experiencing.

So, if we’re tired, glide into bedtime. If we’re frantic, let some of the tension go!

If we’re happy, ‘clap your hands and stamp your feet’ — as the very old song goes!!

Dance is also a euphemism 

To use the word Dance, I mean: to “have — and exude — a good attitude.”

When trouble strikes, dance your way through. When your child has a disappointment, teach him or her to dance too: To walk on water! To have a good attitude, no matter what. 

Having a good outlook carries us farther than having a bad one. So, choose to recognise the disappointment but also choose not to carry the burden of it. Express it and give it away… to GOD, to hope for a better tomorrow, or to whatever you believe hears your heart when you’re happy (or when you’re sad).

Keep dancing 

Not to exhaustion. We all need physical rest too. But in your heart, and in your mind, dance to the tune of hope, a short-lived disappointment, and 

a better tomorrow. Failure is our best teacher. So, really, there is no such thing as failure, just a missing of the mark this time. Next time, we’ll do better!

And teach your child the steps too. We all need to learn better how to dance through our ups and downs. We all have them, so we might as well learn how to step through them.

Categories
For Mothers

For Mothers: to speak or not to speak

My son is an adult. My step daughter has her own two children. I think this suggests I have a bit of experience as a parent. Although I don’t know everything, I reckon I have learned a little. Nevertheless, I struggle sometimes, wondering, to speak or not to speak?

Can I help?

When I see a new mum with her young one, if both are showing frustration or distress, it’s hard to know whether to say anything to help or not. I mean, I may have the best of intentions, but is it my place to say anything?

I think, regarding advising another mum, it depends totally upon my relationship with her. Have I been invited to advise? Have I even held the baby!? It’s easy to see a problem and want to help; but’s important not to meddle or make things worse by sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Smile, play, enjoy…

Can I make contact in an off-hand and encouraging way? Can I smile at the pair? Can I get toddler’s attention and cheer him up?

I’m quite sure what I think may be useful; I might offer a bit of insight that is helpful… to resolve the frustration…. in a casual way. But should I?

The most important question is this: Is what I think of from what I observe going to offer useful information? Can I sow and encourage love?

Or am I merely flaunting my opinion?

Social media is full of opinion…. Do I really need to offer mine?

Look inside first

I need to look inside myself as the first step. To examine my own heart, to be sure my motive is to help, is important before I gently present my observations.

Do I offer an opinion? Nope! Observations? Maybe. But first, may I be sure that any words I might offer are life-giving and nurturing?

We mums

In some ways, we mums are fragile.

Don’t we tend to feel vulnerable concerning our own children, wanting to do well, sometimes not knowing what is needed. no matter how much “experience” we have?

Let’s always try to sow life

Let’s be a blessing to other mums and their children. Then, let’s love, love, love! And, if there’s any time left, speak… maybe. 

Proverbs 12:18 says, “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, But the tongue of the wise promotes health.” Surely if that perspective is good enough for wise King Solomon, it’s good enough for me.

Categories
Preparing the Bride of Jesus Christ

For Mothers: Celebration? Ask for Help

Christmastime can be a time of celebration or fraught with stress. How can we have Celebration? Ask for help in the kitchen and around the house. Let’s make Christmas a totally shared experience!

How can I get my kids to help?

Our smaller children want to help. Sometimes that takes more of our time, but it’s an important step in their maturing and in our bonding with them.

Young children might be willing to help. “Let’s do it together” is a way of enticing them to enjoy our time together time doing things together.

Teens may resist. But persevere. Deep down they want to be part of the family, no matter what vibes they may project. Give them options, but not the option to opt out.

Young adults, will help if you tell them what you need. If they don’t, it may be because you were too fussy (that would be me!) or too relaxed and didn’t train them along the way. But it’s never too late. They’ll want to help because they love their mum — they just need to have some time flexibility and as with teens, maybe an option or two for preference.

Working together makes Christmas special. And can give you a lift when you may otherwise feel downtrodden, taken for granted. Asking is a start to getting what you need done. Asking is the key!

Have a very Merry Christmas. I think I’ll give myself a rest on Christmas Eve… which is next Wednesday, next posting day.

Have a blessed holiday season: Christmas, Hanukkah, a break from the usual. Happy Holidays, and every blessing to you…

Sarah

Categories
GOD'S STORY

GOD’S STORY: Part 126 Birthright

The hunter and the chef

Here are two brothers, twins even, but very different from one another. The elder is about to sell his birthright to his younger brother…

Preparing the Bride for GOD’s Story

How do we prepare as the Bride of Christ? One aspect is to learn GOD’S STORY. He created us in His image…. Piece by piece, and peace by peace, we learn to walk as He has walked. And we learn His perspective.

Genesis 25:24-28

“Now Jacob cooked a stew; and Esau came in from the field, and he was weary. And Esau said to Jacob, “Please feed me with that same red stew, for I am weary.” Therefore his name was called Edom.

But Jacob said, “Sell me your birthright as of this day.”

And Esau said, “Look, I am about to die; so what is this birthright to me?”

Then Jacob said, “Swear to me as of this day.

So he swore to him, and sold his birthright to Jacob. And Jacob gave Esau bread and stew of lentils; then he ate and drank, arose, and went his way. Thus Esau despised his birthright.”

Brotherly love

To suggest Esau and Jacob were loving brothers might be a bit of a stretch.

The hunter, Esau, must have loved his meat. And from the text, we see he’s rather impulsive. He gives up his right as the firstborn son, with all it’s inheritance implications, to his brother who appears to be an opportunist, and perhaps with something of cunning in his character — taking advantage of his brother’s lack of foresight — all for a bowl of stew.

There doesn’t appear to be much love between them. 

Parental preferences

We know from the previous text, Isaac preferred Esau and Rebekah preferred Jacob. How much did this manifest jealousy or rivalry, between the boys, we don’t know. But we can imagine it wasn’t a good set up. 

Perhaps the passive Isaac simply preferred Esau because he was first. Perhaps Rebekah was aware the younger son was more clever, or maybe she simply got on better with him as he preferred to work around the camp. 

What we do know

Preferring one child over another can pit brother against brother. That can bring about family issues, as it did within Isaac’s family. Teaching our children to favour is damaging; whereas teaching them to love and respect one another, valuing our differences, is enriching and wise.

The relationship between Esau and Jacob will unfold in the following chapters of Genesis. But I believe much of it hinged on the relationship between and with the parents. 

Abraham was a father who sacrificed. Through him, the line of the Hebrew people began, and the everlasting promise was made from GOD to man. We’ll see as the story unfolds, just how the faith of one man brought about salvation to all mankind, even though the offspring — even just a generation and two beyond the father — proved unworthy of that gift of promise.

Categories
For Mothers

For Mothers: Getting Advice

What shall we do when we don’t know what to do?

Shall we try getting advice?

If so, from whom? A friend, a family member, a total and complete stranger who is (apparently) an expert?

If wisdom comes with age, then how about looking to someone older? A woman of greater wisdom, gained by hard-earned experience?

A woman whom we trust.

A woman who is herself of fine character. A fellow parent, a good role model — for you or perhaps for your child. 

We used to live in community. We gained from others and gave of ourselves. 

Today we are isolated.

So, shall we build some solid friendships with mothers “older and wiser” whom we respect.

Can we gain from their experience as we build our own?

Can we learn from a real expert: another mother, whom we trust:)