For Mothers

Advising other Mums

I’ve been a mum for 18 years. And a step mum for over 30 years. That means I know a bit about being a mother. I may not know a lot, but I do know a little.

So, when I see a new mum of a young one distressed… both the child and the mum distressed I mean… it’s hard to know whether to say anything to help or not. 

I mean, I may have the best of intentions but is it my place to say anything?

I think, regarding advising other mums, depends totally upon my relationship with the other mum. Have I been invited to advise? Have I even been invited to hold the baby? It’s too easy to see a problem and want to help. It’s important not to meddle or make things worse by sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong.

But on the other hand, if I’m quite sure what I observe can be useful, it just might be a bit of advice or insight that’s helpful.

The most important thing is, can I sow love and encouragement? Or am I flaunting my opinion? Social media is full of opinion. Do I really need to offer mine?

Look inside first

Let’s examine our own hearts, to be sure we’re helpful, and then we might gently present our observations. Opinions: Nope! Observations: Maybe, but praying first… that the words we offer are life-giving and nurturing.

Mothers are fragile in some ways. We tend to feel vulnerable and want so much to help our children, no matter how much “experience” we have… don’t we? So let’s sow life, always. Let’s be the blessing our relationship with the other mum offers. And love, love, love. Then if there’s any time left, speak. Maybe. 

Proverbs 12:18 says, “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, But the tongue of the wise promotes health.” Surely if that perspective is good enough for Solomon, it’s good enough for me.

For Mothers

For Mothers: Letting Go

It’s a theme that comes round every now and then…

Being a mother is a lesson in letting go! So this is a message for mothers letting go…..

“I surrender all to Jesus, all to Him I freely give…” goes the old hymn. “I surrender all, I surrender all. All to Him my blessed saviour, I surrender all.”

This commitment is from my heart. And here is a chapter of it…

Letting Go

Legally, parents are given the responsibility for the care and control of their children. 

There is quite an attack against this principle, with a move by some to limit the rights and role of parents. But so far, this basic principle still exists in the western world. 

Gradually, in the lifespan of a child, the parent encourages and allows a child to make his or her own decisions on age appropriate choices. Bit by bit, we release them to make choices: which juice? which outfit? which extra curricular activities.

Allowing children to make choices is part of the “letting go” process for us as mothers. Children need opportunities to make choices because this is how any of us learns how to weigh up information and how we develop healthy independence. Making decisions is part of growing up.

And letting go is part of mothering.

Off to university

My son is heading off to university soon. I’m excited for him. I’m also a little nervous, but that’s mostly for myself. He will make some mistakes but he’s sensible and it’s his time to set off on his own. As for me, I’ll be on my own for the first time in  about 40 years… my husband passed away a couple of years ago and now my son is off! So, here I will be, with Jesus, alone in the house.

What will life be like on my own?

The letting go process is just as much about my life as my son’s. Step by step I’ll make discoveries and adjustments. All is well. But I wanted to highlight this “season” for any of us who face major changes…. As mothers, let’s be aware that changes our children make effect us too. 

We need to let our young people go…. We celebrate with them as they venture into the world, trusting that we’ve trained them up and trust they will not depart from what they’ve learned* are right and true values. We need to find ourselves new focus and interests to continue to live a full and interesting life***. We need, once again, to surrender our children to GOD and our own lives to Him, so that our joy may be complete.

Letting go is a part of life, a part of parenting, a part of our journey toward the completion of the plans and purposes the LORD has for us all.**

Scriptures referenced: *Proverbs 22:6; **Jeremiah 29:11; ***James 4:8