“Unless Your law had been my delight
I would have perished in my affliction.” (Ps 119:92)
I have come out of a dark season. We all have them, from time to time don’t we?: a time when we can’t see ahead of us, don’t quite know what’s bothering us (or maybe we do) and are stuck in the dark. Well, I’m through, thankfully, and it was coming upon the scripture above that confirmed the end of that darker season.
When we hurt for someone else
Recently, someone I love had a disappointment. They took it in their stride. I did too, or so I thought. Then there was an added ‘incidental’ shock which hit me so hard! Someone looking on might have thought it presumptuous of me to be so moved by someone else’s problem. Perhaps it was because the person who experienced the disappointment soldiered on without complaint, that brought me to feel so protective.
I was angry at GOD.
Couldn’t GOD have protected the person? Couldn’t there have been an ease surrounding the circumstances? Why didn’t He keep a closer watch or make things less difficult?!
It took time but I have adjusted. I know that GOD is sovereign, He is loving, He knows best, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28) Not only do I quote the scripture, but also my past experiences have proven it to be true.
Certainly GOD knows what is best. I do trust GOD sees and knows. But for a moment, I objected to His strategy, which in turn led me to a dark place. It’s probably for that reason He allowed the situation to crop up in the first place… He knew I’d challenge GOD and He wanted me to learn from it. I learned it was foolishness and even arrogance within me that doubted His wisdom.
Judging GOD
Basically, for the past week or so, I’ve been judging GOD. I’m so sorry, LORD, and I thank you that you forgive me. You brought me to this situation and to the realisation that I always have a choice: To trust You or to judge You.
It’s completely irrational not to trust GOD. With everything I’ve been through in my life and with all He has done for me — both corporately in going to the cross, and in my own personal journey, I know that He has steered me faithfully, blessed me, protected me (against myself most of all!), loved me. I don’t and won’t doubt Him now, for if I do, not only do I break relationship with Him and break His heart, but it’s a self-inflicted blow.
“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?” (Psalm 139:7)
My gratitude
I don’t want to be without You LORD. Thank you for bringing me to my senses: aware of the pain, understanding the reason, leading me back to You.
Going forward: For the other person
When we hurt for someone, we can be there for them… if they want us. Availability is our responsibility. Receiving is the other person’s choice. So now I’m back in my “right mind” and can be useful again, if needed.
Trusting in the LORD
We who choose to trust the LORD will go through adverse times. He leads us into dark valleys sometimes, but when He does, He is refining us.
Refining process for silver goes something like this: the fire, the fire, the fire burns, burns, burns… It is only silver when the workman can see his own reflection in the metal.
I reckon I’m a little bit more refined by this recent experience. It was bruising. But the thing about GOD-the-Silversmith is that not only is He holding the silver in the fire, He’s also in the fire with the metal, in the very midst of the refining fire. He’s in the fire and He is the fire.
Faith is hard sometimes. It’s worth it. But I suppose my message is,
When GOD seems to be making a mistake, wait patiently. He will reveal Himself to you and you’ll realise you’re the one who is in error. When you are reunited with Him, fully trusting Him once again, you may be bruised but the relationship — and your character — will have grown. And you will be better for it.
GOD “will not leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:16)