Reflections and Poetry

It’s tough to obey

“Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you are disqualified.” (2 Cor 13:5)

It’s difficult to obey

At least it is for me. Oh, I want to… but it’s difficult to live the surrendered life, every moment of every day. But it’s what I’m called to do.

Even Paul struggled. ‘I don’t do what I want to do…’

“For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.” (Romans 7:15)

I think I used to use that scripture as an excuse. If Paul struggled then who am I to overcome? This helped me so that I wouldn’t get too down on myself. But to continue to use it would be an excuse, because I now know that he who is in me gives me the power to overcome, if I really want to.

Disobedience holds no charm for me anymore. And as I become better able to hear the spirit within me, I know the way to take. But sometimes I still cling on to my way… my way to organise my time, my way to organise my paperwork, my way to organise. And this is the root of the problem: my way is inefficient, my way is limited, my way is not the best way.

Do you struggle too?

I’m improving. It sometimes takes days now to rebel. And there is no joy or satisfaction in the result when I do. Instead, I want to sit at Jesus’ feet as Mary did… choosing the better way (Luke 10).

Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus feet and heard His word…. “and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.””

But time is short; I realise I have limited lifespan and limited time before the world implodes.

I also realise I’m not as smart as I need to be, in order to accomplish what I need to accomplish. I’ve asked for 10 points more to be added to my IQ. But if I don’t surrender, it isn’t going to happen.

So common sense tells me to let the Master lead. At least he’s a just and good master. Perhaps I don’t need any more brain cells to recognise the only sensible way forward is to surrender and obey.

My prayer

I pray first for greater self-discipline, to wait on Him and do as he leads… ‘no more, no less’… is my prayer.

“Heaven help me!” I cry, as the expression goes.

“Father, Master of the Universe, give me the self-discipline to see this through: to wait on you, to follow your lead, and to love. Amen.”