Reflections and Poetry

Testosterone: a reflection

The difference between male and female is testosterone. 

There are a number of biological differences, and similarities, between men and women, but for the purpose of this reflection, I focus on testosterone:)

When my son comes home on weekends from boarding school, it is lovely to see him. We get on quite well, even though we’ve not got a lot of interests in common at the moment. He has handled the recent, untimely passing of his father with great maturity, resolve and has drawn closer to me. I am grateful for that. I have handled the death with dignity and confidence in the LORD too. We both are doing alright… 

BUT to my point: when my son comes home part of my mind goes into a muddle.

That muddled thinking often occurred when speaking to my husband too. I thought it was that I was a bit overwhelmed by Alan’s personal power, but I reconsider that now, as it’s happening with Jordan too…. I think it’s the testosterone!

I wonder if that is one way of understanding, “Your desire will be for your husband, And he shall rule over you”? (Genesis 3:16)

The major way this muddle manifests/ed itself is in my memory and my speech; when I wanted to explain something to my husband, I would forget aspects or not explain as thoroughly as I would with a female friend — or even a male friend. The strong emphasis on chronological logical sequencing was what Alan needed, and I was weak on that, depending somewhat more upon aesthetic communication. 

My son and I communicate quite well. But I find my memory of things I want to do or to talk about gets pushed into the background; I frustrate him because I don’t finish conversations, but I can’t finish conversations because he is impatient and I feel the pressure from that.

I think it is testosterone that is affecting me.

In my husband’s case, he preferred I explain things a certain way so that he could understand. With my son, he prefers I get on quickly and thoroughly. In both cases, they have a strong preference counter to my own style, and the pressure puts me in a muddle. Who they are in my life and the value I place upon my relationship with them is a psychological reason I might feel pressure. But I also suspect that pressure is fuelled in them by their testosterone and passed onto me.

I wonder: does anyone have a similar experience?