Phases
Kids go through phases, don’t they? An interest, a distraction, an attraction — a particular focus or passion that our child develops, a temperament, an attitude or a style of dress — which is intense but temporary. To go through a series of phases is very often a part of growing up.
Seasons
But do you know we as parents go through seasons? Our ups and downs can be just as powerful as a child’s phase.
For mothers, seasons are important to recognise, so we can manage ourselves and our families with focus, encouragement, consistency, hope, and joy as we go through them.
As we learn how to recognise our own seasons, we’ll also be better able to recognise where we are at with each child. What makes us volatile, or what triggers impatience, fear, or a short temper.
What’s a season?
By season I mean a challenge or a set of interlinked challenges that needs to be managed. Life is full of challenge — Isn’t that what makes life interesting? But if we don’t recognise we’re in a particular season but instead roll from one crisis to another, we will find life much more difficult.
Tough phases, tough seasons
When a child is super-challenged, they don’t have the experience to manage on their own and will need our emotional support. Likewise, for us, when we face crises we can best manage the overall problem if we recognise the core issue.
Know thyself
I believe the best thing we can do to be self aware is to make a concerted effort — to take time out — to consider what is most on our minds?
Ah! But how will we find the time? We’ve got family to look after. We’ve got jobs and / or major responsibilities to fulfil. “I haven’t got time to pause for a time out!”
Well, I believe without those time outs, we can get caught out by circumstances that throw us emotionally, and hit us harder than they otherwise would.
And if we feel hit hard, our kids will be affected too!
What are our concerns? What are our ambitions and hopes? What are we feeling confident about and what are we concerned or uncomfortable with right now? Ponder these things, get hold of what’s on our mind — really. Then, our self-awareness will be incredibly helpful when we need to manage a crisis.
And if there is a series of crises
We’ll be better able to see a season for what it is and be able to roll with the punches, if we’ve had time to pause, to take stock of our personal state of mind. This is preparation, a protection against getting knocked off course by what might arise suddenly in our own or our children’s lives.
What can we do to make life easier for ourselves and for our children
Know yourself. Let’s recognise our moods and aspirations. Let’s watch and listen to our children. See their phases, see our seasons, and do our best to roll and to teach our children to roll with the challenging situations as they arise.
Sitting quietly, taking a deep breath: these little moments can make the big challenges so much easier to manage. Every challenge has a flip side: it is an opportunity to grow.
