Why did Alan die?
Who are the crowd of witnesses that is mentioned only once in scripture, in Hebrews 12:1,
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.”
Is Alan amongst that crowd now, cheering those of us who remain on earth to finish our race? Is he cheering me, and Jordan, and Izzie, and others? Is he interceding with Jesus on our behalf, or for members of his family who have not yet recognised Jesus as their personal and the world’s saviour?
And what of 1 Thessalonians? Chapter 4:13-18 states,
“But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.
For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words.”
We who are wide awake await, along with those who are asleep, for the return of Jesus… which I take to mean that, like us, they are wait for the return of Jesus to earth, though they are in the heavenly realm while we are on the earth, until we meet all again when we are all joined with Jesus in the air.
Perhaps to the LORD there is no difference where the saints are, though for us, we feel great loss at the departure of those who have fallen asleep.
And as for Alan?
One thought: His character had reached the level where he was ready to do what he’s called to do with the LORD.
We are put on this earth for a reason. When we have grown to the level of character that we are called to grow to, we can then go on to complete the works that we are meant to do with GOD.
Alan had reached his level of character. And so perhaps he was given the opportunity to go. That is my explanation, in a spiritual sense, of why Alan went to sleep.
Alan fought hard to remain with us, out of love for us, not out of clinging to life. He had reached a level of desire fully and completely, to surrender to our God. It has been our passion, both of us, to live our lives fully in the spirit, for many months — perhaps even for years. It is still my passion to live a perfectly loving and surrendered life, to do the miracles that Jesus performed, to be full of the grace and truth of GOD.
In the ordeal that was Alan’s illness, we both attained a measure of maturity we didn’t really manage to discuss but we encapsulated it in this instruction we gave to one another to,
“Walk on water”
Alan knew when he left me, that I was able to walk on water and so he could, with peace in his heart, leave me to go where he so wanted to be. We have both been promoted: togetherness is what marriage is about, and advancement is what the Kingdom of GOD is about.
Alan loved. He had huge grace towards others. He did not leave us because that would be unloving. But exhausted physically, he had to stop fighting for life. And he entrusted our lives on earth to me, and I must be ready to take on the responsibility on my own.
I suppose I’ve considered that, if the Lord thinks that I can cope, then I must be able to cope.
What is gone… What remains
Alan and I so wanted to work in joint ministry. I encouraged him to write his teachings, but it wasn’t something he felt compelled to do. He encouraged me to build on my singing ministry, though I felt that season had largely passed. We had ideas but lacked thorough clarity for Sabbath Rest Ministries, a Ministry that we launched but which in the main lay dormant. What I noticed in the last couple of sessions of the Bible school which he lead was that he was even preaching, something he was not originally gifted to do. One dear friend said his teaching on Revelation Bible Study had been promoted too, to a deeper richer level after years of experience.
I was left here because I had grown to the level of character where I could be entrusted to manage without Alan…. to be entrusted with his children, to be entrusted with the level of theological understanding that we were both given together. Yes, Alan was the Bible teacher, and wonderful at it. But theologically, we were very much together in our understanding, love and total trust in GOD’s word and in the finer points of theology.
Revelations: Church of Philadelphia
There is one more related scripture I’d like to highlight in the pursuit to understand “why Alan died”.
Revelations 3:10 states, “Because you have kept My command to persevere, I will also keep you from the hour of trial which shall come upon the whole world, to test those who dwell on the earth.”
Is it possible that the LORD took Alan before tribulation, peril, the end of the world as we know it, simply so he would not have to endure the heartache of the falling world completely fallen?
Verse 12 says, “He who overcomes, I will make him a pillar in the temple of My God, and he shall go out no more….” Is that what Alan is doing now? I he a pillar in our Lord’s temple? Hallelujah, that is a mighty encouraging thought.
And so, why did Alan die? His body was done. But that is only the visible aspect. Alan died because he was ready to live elsewhere, ready to be used of GOD in the way GOD would want to use him, fully surrendered to Him in a way that we call “glory”.
Alan left my presence because I could be trusted. That I find totally encouraging. I miss him, long for him. But I’ve processed until in some deep measure I have answered why? I have peace, knowing Alan is right where he wants to be: in harmony with the Holy Spirit, in discovery of the answers to questions he could not fathom out in his own study of the Bible, and full of absolute joy.
During one recent church service, I felt the LORD’s presence upon me and He said, “Alan is worshipping in total freedom now”.
For those not of faith, how can I know this? It is my life’s work, hope and mission to know GOD better. The test is the fruit. The fruit born out of the pain, prayer and suffering that Alan endured in his illness and I endured alongside him in spiritual prayer, has manifested in more love, more hope, more joy, more goodness. These are called the “fruits of the Spirit” and they ripened in Alan and are ripening in me.
Praise the LORD. If we pursue Truth it will always be revealed and manifested. If we seek, we will find. GOD is consistent and He is good in honouring His Word. Thank you LORD for guiding me until I have had revelation of why Alan died. In his death there is more opportunity for those who love the LORD to grow, which was Alan’s passion. And for those who don’t yet embrace GOD, they may consider why Alan lived the way he did. A peek into a Bible which meant so much to Alan, will help an unbeliever to discover the secrets of Alan’s heart and mine.
Leviticus 17:11 states “the life is in the blood…”
The medics kept thinning Alan’s blood in order to prevent clotting and to bring down the heart rate. It did neither, though it rendered Alan weak and feeble and prolonged his life. The doctors weren’t able to see the connection between Alan’s continual weakness and the thinning of his blood.
I asked for vitamins to boost the “life” in Alan, but except for Vitamin D they rejected any other request, citing no medical proof the vitamins did any good. I specifically asked for Zinc and CoQ10; they declined.
I believe wholeheartedly that the doctors did all they knew how to do. But they could not attack the virus (that was finally defeated when I saw two spiders and D and I prayed until the spiritual attackers were dead, dead, dead) and they did not recognise by thinning the blood they were extracting the life out of my husband.
In the end, his small intestines died, either from malnutrition or blood clots, the former eluded to just before his death, the latter cited on the death certificate.
I am not bitter or angry. I am sad that my husband died and didn’t need to have died. And yet, I pray this message reaches doctors and the public:
“Mankind needs GOD. Britain needs GOD. Doctors are not GOD, nor is the NHS (National Health Service), nor is the government. Although all these parties do their best, they are a small, weak, minuscule power against death and darkness compared to GOD.”
Alan is in a better place now, and will never grow old. That is a bittersweet truth. I am left raising a beautiful young man on my own, yet with a host of family and friends who love us both dearly.
Lesson for me, for us all
It is still too soon to know all the lessons that I will receive from the loss of Alan’s life on earth, but there will be more, of that I am certain.
There are short term lessons such as, I have learned how to receive and that I am valued and loved for myself; I have seen how my son matured through the experience of my husband’s illness. I have experienced the role of conductor as I sought spiritual prayer warriors to pray Alan to health. But Alan did not have to die in order for me to learn these lessons. These lessons and more were learned through the trial and not his death.
Perhaps one lesson through this is for us all: To trust GOD and accept His will, and discover that death can come even when the LORD does not will it. Could this be true? Can a sovereign GOD not be sovereign?
Where do man’s actions and God’s will intersect and where do they divide or run parallel, I do not know. The body of the man died, but his should and spirit live on.
GOD said to me repeatedly and confirmed it through others also, “Alan will recover”. God is not a liar. And Alan did revive and recover — though only to pass away ultimately. So how is it that Alan was not restored to life? He did not return home to thrive as was believed by thousands praying.
With the very best of intent, man intervened and destroyed that possibility. Man is finite where GOD is infinite. That, for now, is what I know.
May GOD bless each and every one who reads this post, and may you find encouragement, enrichment and continue to thrive as you develop your relationship with the Father of All.