The Life is in the Blood:
Tuesday 19th February
The phone rang. It was Dr J. He told me Alan was now on a ventilator.
I didn’t pass out… but I wanted to.
“We didn’t ring you beforehand because there wasn’t time”, he said. “He needed to be ventilated without delay. Normally we ring the next of kin before we do this.” At the time I thought the doctor was suggesting they usually ask our permission. I would learn however, that I actually had very little say about Alan’s treatment as we moved forward over the next days and weeks. We all agreed we wanted him to get well; to some degree, we disagreed how to ensure that recovery.
“How was Alan before he went under? Was he accepting?” I asked.
“Yes, he was very calm.” Well, that’s something positive, I thought.
In a sea of despair, I hung up the phone. I did not cry. There was no space for such luxury.
Despair
After weeks of concern and prayer, having given family members regular updates, I knew the goal posts now needed to be moved considerably; as best I could, I would have to change my behaviour to fit Alan’s desperate circumstances. I messaged the family, explaining Alan’s changed condition. A day later I said they’d perhaps not hear much from me for a while because I needed to give total attention to Alan. Not one ever complained or made things awkward for me. In fact, over the next weeks, I felt loved very dearly… not so much by what they said or did, but because they allowed me to focus where I needed to most. Proceeding forward, rather than balance between updates of physical health to family with coordinating fellow believers to pray, instead I focused upon Alan and how the LORD would lead us to pray for his full recovery.
It never occurred to me that he would not recover to full health. Yes, I recognised the threat upon his life. I had been battling unseen forces, drawing more and more upon other believers who would pray; I was fully aware of the threat. But the LORD had said, “Alan will recover” on the 29th or 30th of December. So he would!
Wolves
Some time during Alan’s treatment, after the heart attack and before ICU, I saw in the Spirit there were dark forces trying to destroy him. These forces I call wolves. It was as though they were panting, salivating, pacing, lingering around his bed. I didn’t have totally sleepless nights, but there were nights where I stood or knelt or paced in prayer.
I am so grateful to every other person who prayed, and to two people in particular, who are far more advanced in spiritual warfare than I, who stood with us, prayed with me and taught me so much. These are patient family members in the LORD, who never yielded in their support, patience and dedication to the fight. The outcome was not realised in the way we’d hoped and believed, but nevertheless, the battles were earnest and full of little victories.
Scrutinising the threat
While Alan was on the ventilator in ICU, I reflected back on times when he’d been in the Ward beforehand; the wolves were still there. I prayed earnestly he’d never be sent back to that particular ward, and I kept a watchful eye on it in the Spirit, praying that those wolves would leave rather than decimate the lives of others there.
Passage of time
Alan would be in ICU on a ventilator for 25 days. Each day the LORD led me to Him. And each day I focused on Alan. My son, my step daughter and I stood on GOD’s promise. We knew Alan’s strength of faith and strength of will to survive. Though doctors tried to warn me that Alan might not make it through, on those occasions I simply said, “Alan will recover” and you know what? He did… it just didn’t last.
6 replies on “ICU: the second phase of Covid p2”
What an awful event to go through, with so many questions still unanswered, but the Lord is your strength and stay a very present in the time of trouble. It’s admirable that you can write so clearly and sensitively. Keep up the good work, Sarah!
Thank you for your encouragement, Marilyn. I guess there are those who enjoy or benefit from this summary of Alan’s illness so onward I will continue. Every blessing to you.
“Precious in the Eyes of the Lord, are the death of His Saints,” and “Unless a seed dies, then falls, how can there be a great harvest?”
Heavenly Father, thank You for the life, and work for Your Kingdom, of our brother-in-Christ Alan Tun. Thank You for the great harvest of souls, that will have already grown and accumulated, even from before the time of his ‘departure.’ Thank You for Sarah’s unwavering love and support to Alan, right up to his soul’s final moment on earth, as well as for the love and support of the rest of his family, nuclear and extended, plus that of countless friends, who prayerfully supported Sarah throughout this harrowing ordeal. Now Alan is with You Forever, and is perforce in Sarah’s future, where ALL suffering ends, and You, Oh God “Wipe away every tear.” Thank You Heavenly Father than no one, and nothing could “snatch” Alan “out of Your Hand.” In Christ’s Holiest Name. Amen.
So beautifully and thoughtfully expressed. Thank you Byran. So kind of you and yes, so true too!
You’re very welcome my sister. As someone who’s suffering from “bereavement fatigue” (a series of family deaths, and friends who have gone prematurely) i’ve become supersensitive to the bereavements others have endured/are STILL enduring (i’m not convinced that the death of a ‘soulmate’ is something that we can ever FULLY recover from.)
My point of view now is that, despite Christ’s Teaching that “There is no marriage in Heaven,” it’s still VERY important to emphasise that the person who’s ‘gone ahead’ of us, is automatically in our future. Then mortal death becomes what it Truly is, a TEMPORARY separation. This i learnt to focus on, after many sessions of “Grief counselling.” Shalom/God bless+++
Whatever the status of marriage in heaven, many would say their spouse is/was their best friend. And to meet our dearest friends in heaven is a fantastic thing to look forward to. GOD is so good and His ways are perfect.