When we experience unfairness long enough, it takes its toll on relationship and on inner peace. Jacob and Laban: both men have taken years to come to this crisis point, where each is angry, bitter, pained, and disappointed. It all comes out now, at this crisis point.
Preparing the Bride for GOD’s Story
How do we prepare as the Bride of Christ? One aspect is to learn GOD’S STORY. He created us in His image…. Piece by piece, and peace by peace, we learn to walk as He has walked. And we learn His perspective.
Genesis 31:31-55
“Then Jacob answered and said to Laban, “Because I was afraid, for I said, ‘Perhaps you would take your daughters from me by force.’ With whomever you find your gods, do not let him live. In the presence of our brethren, identify what I have of yours and take it with you.” For Jacob did not know that Rachel had stolen them.
“And Laban went into Jacob’s tent, into Leah’s tent, and into the two maids’ tents, but he did not find them. Then he went out of Leah’s tent and entered Rachel’s tent. Now Rachel had taken the household idols, put them in the camel’s saddle, and sat on them. And Laban searched all about the tent but did not find them. And she said to her father, “Let it not displease my lord that I cannot rise before you, for the manner of women is with me.” And he searched but did not find the household idols.
“Then Jacob was angry and rebuked Laban, and Jacob answered and said to Laban: “What is my trespass? What is my sin, that you have so hotly pursued me? Although you have searched all my things, what part of your household things have you found? Set it here before my brethren and your brethren, that they may judge between us both! These twenty years I have been with you; your ewes and your female goats have not miscarried their young, and I have not eaten the rams of your flock. That which was torn by beasts I did not bring to you; I bore the loss of it. You required it from my hand, whether stolen by day or stolen by night. There I was! In the day the drought consumed me, and the frost by night, and my sleep departed from my eyes. Thus I have been in your house twenty years; I served you fourteen years for your two daughters, and six years for your flock, and you have changed my wages ten times. Unless the God of my father, the God of Abraham and the Fear of Isaac, had been with me, surely now you would have sent me away empty-handed. God has seen my affliction and the labor of my hands, and rebuked you last night.”
“And Laban answered and said to Jacob, “These daughters are my daughters, and these children are my children, and this flock is my flock; all that you see is mine. But what can I do this day to these my daughters or to their children whom they have borne? Now therefore, come, let us make a covenant, you and I, and let it be a witness between you and me.”
“So Jacob took a stone and set it up as a pillar. Then Jacob said to his brethren, “Gather stones.” And they took stones and made a heap, and they ate there on the heap. Laban called it Jegar Sahadutha, but Jacob called it Galeed. And Laban said, “This heap is a witness between you and me this day.” Therefore its name was called Galeed, also Mizpah, because he said, “May the Lord watch between you and me when we are absent one from another. If you afflict my daughters, or if you take other wives besides my daughters, although no man is with us—see, God is witness between you and me!”
“Then Laban said to Jacob, “Here is this heap and here is this pillar, which I have placed between you and me. This heap is a witness, and this pillar is a witness, that I will not pass beyond this heap to you, and you will not pass beyond this heap and this pillar to me, for harm. The God of Abraham, the God of Nahor, and the God of their father judge between us.” And Jacob swore by the [l]Fear of his father Isaac. Then Jacob offered a sacrifice on the mountain, and called his brethren to eat bread. And they ate bread and stayed all night on the mountain. And early in the morning Laban arose, and kissed his sons and daughters and blessed them. Then Laban departed and returned to his place.”
Anger
Laban is angry because Jacob left without saying good bye.
Jacob is angry because he feared for his life and now the man whom he feared is upon him.
Bitterness
Laban is bitter because Jacob took his family and his goods when he left.
Jacob is bitter because all the blessing poured out upon Laban because of Jacob’s presence, and hard work, is unvalued and unappreciated.
Pained
Laban is pained because he is losing his children and grandchildren and his livelihood.
Jacob is pained because in spite of fleeing, he could not escape Laban. And I repeat for emphasis, Jacob is pained because his diligence and his gift is unvalued and unappreciated.
Disappointed
Laban is disappointed because Jacob is leaving and indeed, has left.
Jacob is disappointed because Laban shows no appreciation and won’t let him go, won’t let his family go, won’t let his livestock go, without a confrontation.
Showdown
Harsh words are spoken out of exasperation. Jacob is righteous in that he stole nothing (knowingly) and is being treated as a thief. He unleashes his righteous anger upon the ungrateful uncle.
Laban finally shows all his cards: the people are his, the livestock is his, everything is his in his own eyes. Laban’s testimony only proves Jacob had no recourse but to flee in order to survive. Laban would surely have never let him go.
And yet, he does.
He swears the daughters are still his daughters. But he kisses them and lets them go. Not without building a wall between the two clans, a claim to each for land. And then he goes.
One presumes they will never see one another again. Pretty tough for a father, to leave his daughters, even though clearly they will be looked after.
Laban: control freak
Control is a relationship destroyer. By the time Rachel left her father, she was so fed up she stole from him — her own father.
By the time Jacob left Laban, he was so fed up with his uncle’s control, he felt he had to sneak away.
By the time Laban discovered his family’s escape, he had forfeited any relationship with his daughters, his grandchildren, his son-in-law, even his servants (who gave Jacob a 3 day lead on Laban even being told they had left).
Even still, Laban caught up with them, had to control the end of the relationship, have the last word, name the stone and the place something different from Jacob. He just had to have control over the end, just as he took control at the beginning.
Control destroys
The relationship between Laban and everyone else was destroyed. It was over, never to be rekindled. Why? Because Laban wanted all-or-nothing. He couldn’t accept the grace Jacob had over his life, even though Laban was the main beneficiary. He couldn’t allow his younger daughter her own family life. He couldn’t allow anything beyond his control. And so, he got what he wanted: total control… over nothing.
For us
When we surrender to Jesus, do we let go total control? Do we trust, respect, honour, worship the Lord and yield our illusion of control?
In our family and work relationships, in our friendships, do we give freedom to others — freedom to disagree, freedom to make their own mistakes (age appropriateness considered), freedom to discover Jesus for themselves?
Control is an illusion. It is a destroyer. Shall we each examine our own hearts to ensure we have surrendered control to the Sovereign Lord, who — by His Holy Spirit — will lead us into all Truth, that we likewise can be a beacon of light to others, trusting in Him and not the world and its benefits.
It’s a tall ask. But it is what we are asked to do when we choose to follow GOD.