What if your child comes home with a very strange idea?
Don’t panic!
Don’t say “No!”
Smile.
Love. Look. Listen.
Encourage truth, integrity, honesty, kindness, compassion
If your son or daughter’s “surprise” will draw them toward selfishness, cruelty, obsession, anger and fury, then it isn’t the “surprise” that is the problem but rather, something significant is probably really bothering him or her.
If you panic, they’ll likely dig in their heels and you won’t find out what is at the root of the turn in your child.
If you object without listening, they’ll take it personally and either dig in and rebel or surrender and lose a part of their personal ambition and motivation. But if you listen, you are probably doing the very thing they need most. Usually a huge shift is a cry for help. Or a cry to be noticed. A big shift indicates an attempt to become independent. So, help them to be independent — yet safe — in stages.
Help them to consider the consequences of this big shift
Can you engage in a conversation that will help flush out the aim of this shift?
– Where did this idea come from? Or from whom did it come?
– Does your child hope to develop new friendships through this initiative?
– Does he/she want to make an impact in the world?
– Has he/she just discovered some people don’t have the same benefits or privileges they do, and they want to help?
Can you suggest the possible outcomes of this shift? Be as positive as you can be whilst still being as honest. Be encouraging about their idea, and about their aim and independence, but if you’re concerned, why not share that too (once you’ve had a good bit of the listening part of the conversation) and urge them to remember their responsibilities that must be maintained through the change: such as education, loyalty to friends, health-and-fitness.
If your child has a strange idea, it isn’t perhaps strange to them
At some point, your child is going to have a desire, an interest, or a passion outside your expectation. This is a positive, as they seek to develop their own identity. Let’s celebrate with them their ambition, their courage, their ingenuity — while guiding them to balance their enthusiasm with safety and responsibility.
We all have talents and I believe we are meant to use them. And yet, we also have responsibilities to fulfill. Encouraging our children to find a healthy, realistic balance is something we can do to build them up and to help them grow in responsibility as well.