For our children’s sake, we need to sow good will
We need to be showing our sons and daughters that we are sowing good will toward our fellow human beings.
Earlier this week, I was at the swimming pool. I usually go in the afternoon, when it is less crowded. But on a particular day, I just wasn’t able. So I went in the morning, when children are allowed in the pool.
I managed to procure a narrow lane away from the children. I did ask one or two parents if they minded. No one seemed to mind.
Toward the end of my swim, I managed to cross into an area near one of the parents, and I got an earful. When I tried to apologise for straying (I don’t use goggles and sometimes with the freestyle (front crawl) I can be a bit less straight than with my other strokes. But the mother told me I was lying, I had deliberately tried to dominate the pool, had intimidated other families, and had terrified her son.
I finished my swim and contemplated what to do. I didn’t want to argue with her; I saw no point. And to argue with her would only confuse her son, even though he looked to be about 12.
Eventually, I thought I’d ask if I could apologise to her son. She reluctantly said I could.
“Were you scared?” I asked him. He nodded hesitantly — whether because he wasn’t and didn’t want to contradict his mother, or because he was still intimidated, I don’t know.
I said I hadn’t intended to frighten him, I was just swimming and wanted to push his ball out of the way (it was a big beach ball that had gone into my path, he was nearby but hadn’t picked it up). I said I was really sorry I’d scared him. He nodded a bit.
The woman took another strip out of me. I thought that really sad. Why not accept the apology graciously, and go on with your day? Instead, she said I’d ruined their swim and said I should swim when children aren’t in the pool.
When in the changing room, another lady who had overheard said, I hadn’t terrified him and if I had been, he needed to work on his “terrified face”. She smiled. I was grateful for her kind words. When I left the pool, I asked the attendant, “Are we allowed to swim during the times when children are allowed?” He said yes (of course).
Why do I share this story?
Because we always have a choice: we can make peace or we can make war.
The choice we make will determine our children’s future.
That young man will either learn to hide or learn to be terrified based on this incident. He is less likely to learn to make peace and live in harmony.
Defending our children
We must protect and defend our children when they are in danger.
But just as it is wise to smile and cuddle when our child falls down, rather than to look frightened and fuss in case they’ve scraped their knee, we are wiser to forgive a perceived wrong and teach our children how to be peacemakers, than to indulge in self affirmation which is based on indignation and offence.
That’s my view anyway.
What’s yours?