I firmly believe that from any age above 3 we need to develop a kind of respect for our children, an age appropriate respect.
This does not mean we allow our children to run roughshod over us or the household, in the name of respecting their agency or their creativity. They need to learn discipline as much as they need encouragement to express themselves.
Perhaps that’s why I used the age of 3 rather than 2. I confess it’s random, but I think as I continue, you’ll get the basic idea….
Our children are not a shadow of ourselves
Each human being has his own DNA, her own chromosomal makeup. We receive from our parents but the very fact that our makeup comes from 2 people means we are not the same as either of them. And so, between nature (DNA) and nurture (how we are raised and our experiences) we develop our own unique personality and our own special character.
Children need boundaries
Absolute freedom causes despair: confusion, fear, anxiety, responsibility overload and a sense of abandonment can arise when our children have too much liberty.
On the other hand, too much restriction inhibits development.
So, as parents we are always evaluating and assessing what limitations to put on our children for their own safety and development verses how much freedom to give them so they can explore, learn how to make decisions, and grow as healthy human beings in society.
The boundaries get wider the older our children grow. Boundaries are a sign of love and care. Moveable boundaries are a sign of respect and encouragement.
If we keep in mind these two contesting forces: respect and care, measured by flexibility within boundaries, we may make mistakes, but we are working towards enabling our children to develop to maturity — safely and fully.
Food for thought for our children at any age.