Mother, but don’t smother
Infants need affection. Babies without experiencing touch can die from lovelessness. It happened in Romanian orphanages in the Communist era.
But as our children grow, we need to allow them to develop emotionally, so that they can balance affection with independence.
Too much affection (yes, I think there can be too much) can stifle their budding confidence and independence. Too little can inhibit their sense of assurance and security.
Some people thrive on touch, affection. Others benefit more from positive words. Each of us has a need for affection but the degree will differ even amongst children within one family.
Just as we learn the sorts of food or fashion, sports, games or hobbies our children prefer, we can serve our children well when we discover and honour their emotional needs and expressions for comfort, security and joy. A hug, for example, can feed our need for love, and this will be an important part of our children’s lives to a greater or lessor measure. Some will need more, others less, and we can honour them when we learn their needs and inclinations.
A touch of warning
We mothers have a basic instinct to look after our children, a deep drive to comfort them and to ensure they grow into confident, productive, happy people. But sometimes we might have our own needs that can get confused with theirs.
Sometimes our world is quite demanding, isolating, and we can experience our own needs being unmet.
Let’s learn what are our children’s needs, and seek to fulfil our part toward their being met, without overdoing it… Can we mother our children but guard against smothering them? Let’s be alert against confusing our own needs for reassurance or connection or companionship, with our children’s.
Let’s fill our children’s needs whilst also encouraging them to take the room they need to grow.