As mothers, we aim to do our very best for our children, to raise them to be happy, well behaved, get the best from their education and socially adaptable. That’s likely the general thrust for most of us as parents.
But there is a difference between wanting to be a good mum who brings out the best in herself and her children, and being a person who demands of herself (and perhaps also of her children) perfection!
So, for mothers, perfection verses excellence is what I’d like to address.
Perfection
No matter how hard any of us try, no one is perfect. We do our best and that’s important and a noble goal. There was only one perfect person who ever walked the earth and I’m not he, nor are you dear reader.
So, rather than beat ourselves up in our thoughts when we make a mistake (something I’m prone to do from time to time!), we need to aim for our best, strive for excellence if we feel we must, but know and accept we will make mistakes.
Excellence
I think it’s good to aim high, especially in parenting, since it matters to the next generation and it matters to our own child, how we raise him/her.
We can read books, talk to friends for ideas and feedback, research ’til the cows come home. But deep within ourselves, we have the best resource: a mother’s instinct.
I read a book once that I found really, really helpful: Have a New Kid by Friday. The substance of this book gave scenarios and principles of which the bottom line was, ‘treat your child how you want to be treated’ (allowing for age-relevant expectation and interaction) and ‘start how you want to finish’ and ‘say no and stick to it until bad behaviour changes’. It was very helpful to me. And at 20, my son is respectful, pleasant, engaging, and I’m very proud of him because as a human being, he’s a really decent young man.
Self doubt
I have not been the perfect mum, although I confess, I’ve tried to be… In that regard then, I’ve failed.
But on the other, since my son has turned out to be lovely and we have a good relationship, maybe, taking his own personalty into account, although I’ve not been perfect, just maybe I’ve done enough things well that, as a mother sit in the vicinity of excellence in some matters? I hope so. My son deserves the best mum he can get, as do all our children.
Looking at it from that perspective, if I consider striving for excellence, rather than perfection, the goal is not only more attainable, but less likely to prompt me to live in regret and frustration.
Have a great week!