Teaching our children to be vulnerable may sound a bit mad!
But I believe we need to ensure children keep a soft heart.
Our children need to learn to be kind, to be loving, to be open to others. And that means inevitably, that they will experience disappointment.
Oh dear! Do I want my child to be hurt or disappointed?
Of course we hope our children will be happy, make friends, enjoy life.
But sometimes, if we’re honest, we know life has its disappointments. And the funny thing about disappointments is that they teach us — and our children — more about life than the happy times do. Ouch! But it’s true.
Building Character
Happy times are valuable, important, make life fun!
But usually, unfortunately, it is the heartaches that teach us how to be strong, how to face adversity, how to be kind and compassionate toward others.
When we face disappointment
Life isn’t life without disappointment.
That’s quite simple to understand: everybody wants things a certain way, and we don’t all agree on the same “certain way”; therefore, sometimes, some folks aren’t going to have what they want…. Therefore, sooner or later, the odds are, each one of us — and each one of our children — are going to experience life “not going our (or their) way.”
In tough times, what matters more is not what we get, but how we develop through the disappointments we experience. The end result is growth in character.
And how do we grow?
Keeping a soft heart
We grow by accepting the pain, overcoming it, and in the meantime, forgiving rather than attempting to get even with the person or group or organisation from where the disappointment has come.
We rise above when we forgive. We overcome when we face the foe. We heal when we accept the pain and deal with it (rather than burying it in a pretence that “it’s all okay” or an attitude of “I’ll get even”).
Finding a balance
One art of parenting is teaching our children to find the balance between being open to others and building independence.
One lesson our children need to learn is that in spite of the pain that may come, we can be strong and resilient.
We need to engage and risk, we need to trust and forgive, we need to hope for the best and learn how to manage when the “worst” comes along… And we need to help our children to do the same.
The Start to Character
The first step is to learn bitterness is death, forgiveness is life and change is inevitable, if we are to grow in character.