Do you have an in-law? Or, if you have older offspring, perhaps you ARE the in-law.
Perhaps this topic is premature… not being immediately relevant for every reader. I hope it’ll be useful — if not now, some time to for the future.
Let’s prepare…
In-Laws
Whether we are the in-law or we are the spouse of someone else’s offspring, dealing with in-laws has had a bit of a bad wrap. Why is that?
In-laws have been the brunt of jokes for decades: a soft target?
Vulnerability
If we think about it, to be an in-law is a vulnerable position. A typical parent loves their children and wants the best for them. Suddenly, becoming joined up with another family based on the decision our child makes, is quite extraordinary.
We love our children. We want their happiness. We trust they choose a spouse who loves our child and together, they hope to make a contribution to society that will benefit others.
So, what is there to worry about?
Who has the power?
There isn’t anything really to worry about — because we have no power to influence the future of our child and his/her spouse. A problem only arises when we think we can or should influence. Unless our help is specifically sought, we may only be interfering, and that isn’t helpful.
Intimate relationships and marriage is tough in the easiest of circumstances. So, let’s aim to make life as simple, as positive, as easy as possible for them. There are enough hurdles in life not to be one ourselves.
The reality is, we have no power in the marriage. As soon as we recognise this and hope for the best and trust our children and their decisions to be with the person they’ve chosen, the better we can support and befriend the partner, and genuinely seek to encourage the couple. Then, the easier and better things will be for all of us.
So, my take on in-laws
Love and accept the spouse; love and accept your spouse’s parents. Otherwise, you drive a wedge. If you love someone, you want the best for them, and for those they love.
Keep opinions to yourself, unless asked. And even when asked for your input, be diplomatic.
The key is to love. The key is to recognise you have no real influence, so it’s best to let go. The key is to put yourself in your child’s position and ask yourself, “What would I hope my mother would do/say in this situation?”
Remember this: The spouse of my child is a potential friend