Life can be be full of strife as we navigate our social lives. Our children as well, may suffer.
Our children are vulnerable and the way forward for them is the process of building their resilience!
What is resilience?
By definition, according to the Google dictionary, resilience is toughness; the ability to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties. I’d say, resilience is the ability to overcome the challenges that life puts in front of us. I believe we must develop some resistance in order to navigate this world with a level of dignity, perseverance and stamina.
What is disappointment?
We live in hope and expectancy; that keeps us going. But inevitably, we experience disappointment from time to time, because we can’t always have what we want. And anyway, I think some occasion of disappointment teaches us resilience.
What is perseverance?
‘Keep on keeping on’ is an old phrase that summarises what perseverance is… No matter what… not giving up… striving without surrender: these are all ways to describe the act of perseverance.
Supporting our child’s independence
If our children are to grow into healthy adults, they will need to develop age-appropriate levels of independence. They do this as they learn how to cope with disappointment by showing perseverance, rising above let-downs, digging in, keeping going, and rising above their circumstances.
As parents, what is our role when our children experience trials?
Our compassion
There are a lot of different ways we can show support to our children when they experience disappointment. It’s important they know we love and respect them especially when they fail or experience distress or rejection. We can help them get through it best though, if we give them the encouragement to keep going, to persevere in spite of the difficulty. That’s how they will grow.
It can be tempting to wrap them in a cocoon or to leap to their defence but generally, so long as their physical safety is not at risk, it is better, in principle, to let them navigate the challenges. If we rescue them every time there is pain, they will still experience the pain but they won’t develop the power to overcome it.
It can be painful to watch our children suffer. But some suffering is necessary in order for them to learn. Ouch! As a mother, that’s hard to watch, isn’t it? And yet, the chicken who doesn’t push through his shell does not develop the muscles necessary to get along in the world.
We must not fear! Children will fall down and if we encourage them, they will get up again. If our own fear runs to protect them, our children will not develop the resilience they need for life. Let’s try to identify our own fear and resolve it so we don’t interfere with our children’s healthy development.