What do you suppose we as human beings need more than anything else? Love is the indisputable, overarching answer. And how do we experience love? I believe it is through a sense of belonging.
Long term necessity
Every child needs a sense of knowing where belongs in his environment.
I can think of my university days and preferring the students in the year above me to my peers, in the small drama department of my university. I don’t exactly know how it was that way, but I graduated after my third year, rather than my fourth, in order to avoid that fourth honours year without the group of people I preferred. I did return as a mature pupil eventually, to get my honours year. But in the short term, while that extra year and higher degree was important to me, it wasn’t as important as having a sense of “belonging”.
Belonging is a long term necessity.
Early years of development
When a child is raised in an environment in which s/he feels a sense of belonging, fitting in, s/he is secure. The family unit is meant to provide that. Then, when the social environment kicks in as the prime factor to most kids, the child can always revert back to his/her family when feeling compromised, or out of sorts with others. The family — whatever the make-up — is meant to provide that key sense of belonging that will never be denied. This is what can get a child through the turbulent teens.
Teen years
A sense of belonging is what a young person is striving for when desiring the most popular toy or clothing or friend. It’s a way of showing s/he fits in.
A stable family base can over-ride bad choices of friendships. Without that sense of belonging at home, poor companion choices is more of a threat than if the child knows-that-s/he-knows where s/he belongs in the family unit.
Gangs thrive amongst children without a father figure, statistics say. But father or no father, a child with a close tie with other siblings and one parent can still feel a strong sense of belonging. So, while I would agree a two parent family is ideal, sometimes that isn’t available… And a lack of it isn’t a reason to lose heart.
Let’s build in belonging
As we provide love and security, by providing a strong sense of unity and belonging in the family unit (whether it is a two person unit, a three, or a zillion), let’s do what we can as mothers to ensure our child knows s/he can come to us with concerns and hopes, love and needs, so that our child knows s/he fits and is a valued and important part of the family unit. Our child can be secure in the knowledge s/he is loved.