Here’s a big question: When do we interfere with a child’s social life and when do we let him or her stumble through?
One thing I’ve learned as a teacher, a parent and a step parent
A disappointed child, like a little sparrow who has fallen out of its nest, needs picking up. Because a fallen sparrow needs picking up, we need to learn how to do it diplomatically, respectfully, and gently.
When a child has been emotionally shocked
He or she might say something. If their attitude to life shifts, seek out why. Even if everything seems alright, ask them about their friends by name, from time to time. Ask what’s new at school. Ask, to listen and learn from them how their social life is going.
Help them to share it with you
Disagreements are frustrating, scary and disappointing to anyone, and a child has less equipment to handle it than an adult.
Let’s help them to discuss it — maybe not straight away, but soon. If you can hear what’s happened it will achieve two things:
- You’ll know what’s happening in your child’s life and
- You’ll know if they’ve made a decision that might or might not be life changing and damaging to them.
If your child has made a determination about a difficult situation, a conflict, she or he may have made a life-changing decision that needs to be adjusted so they don’t carry a lasting scar. For example, forgiveness is the best way forward (so the child doesn’t become hardened or continue to live with pain or disillusionment), even if trust is broken and they can’t be buddies anymore. Help them not to hold a grudge (because it scars them) but to learn how to navigate the world of disappointment in order to grow stronger, but not harder.
Watch for shifts in behaviour.
If they’re carrying a scar from a friend or a teacher, it might show up at home: change in grades, change in attitude, change in interests.
Asking questions, gentle encouragement, being available are ways to draw your child to open up. A person finds relief and peace when they are able to talk something through.
Be gentle
Whenever we experience a disappointment and feel let down, it can be hard to get back up again. As mums we are especially equipped to nurture our children to open up. And when they do… and they most probably will… let’s try to listen more than speak, encourage more than assess, and love more than anything else!
Hugs are healing too.