Combing through old journals: a reflection about Love

Combing through old journals, letters, and memorabilia, I came across a lot of accolade, a lot of turmoil, a lot of muck of a twenty-something year old… None of it spoke directly and yet all of it spoke of one thing: What I wanted most!

What I wanted most in life

As a twenty-something year old, what I wanted more that anything else was to be loved — married to a loving and godly man was the way I achieved it. I have been blessed. Life has been “a success”. 

I ended a teaching career — wonderful and challenging though it was.

I gave up an acting career — or the hope of one.

I gave up a singing career — I never really wanted one.

I swapped homelands. It wasn’t that important to me.

On the surface, I strove for excellence in everything I did. But underneath, deep within, I just wanted to be loved.

How I made this discovery

Recently I read a play, which triggered this flow of words — this blog post. The play had nothing to do with anything, except that it was a play and once-upon-a-time, plays were everything to me. Perhaps that was because plays ultimately are about LOVE — humanity’s need for love and acceptance. When I didn’t experience it sufficiently in my life I created it through involvement in theatre. When working on a play, the rest of my life was put on hold. Nothing came before the work of a play! Director, Actor, Stage Manager: The play was the thing!

And then I found personal love…. And then (eventually) the plays stopped. And I didn’t miss them one bit.

I loved theatre and plays once. Now they mean little to me. I found what I really wanted: LOVE in the real world. So, once I’d received LOVE, I no longer needed a substitute. “No substitutes please:)”

And yet reading through this play recently, it helped me to create this message — about LOVE.

Memories and Memorabilia

Memories triggered are lessons learned. Memorabilia isn’t about how wonderful life was or about our accomplishments, but about our journey; they take us back to where we were so we can realise where we are.

I’m a widow. I lost the love of my life, my best friend. But I found a life worth living through his love for me and my love for him. And above all, we both had the love of Jesus to teach us and to carry us through.

Plays, real life, hope… all of these things matter, but they all hinge on one thing: the greatest of these is LOVE.

Why does Love matter?

What does love matter? Why do I share my journey with you? Because I am no different from anyone else. What we want more than anything else, whether we aware of it or not, what we are created for, is to love and to be loved. The love of God, ultimately, is what we need most. But within every human relationship is the opportunity for love. Love truly is our single-most need because that is the way we are made. The narcissist, in his or her self-love, demonstrates our need for love. Lacking human affection — either in the giving or the receiving of it — the narcissist seeks to fill the void with self-centred, self-absorbed love.

We all need love, to give it and to receive it. And we who love Jesus and walk along His path, need to remember when we encounter others, the basic need we all have, is what he offers freely: the gift of love.

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