Clarity, Vision, Direction
I do not have clarity, vision, direction for the future, not just yet. As a single person again after nearly thirty years, I really don’t know what is next for me to do. I no longer have covering as I had with my husband; I am now the covering for others. Yes, I have pastoral covering, and GOD’s covering, but that is different from the intimate and immediate covering of a spouse to his wife.
Over the last three years my husband Alan and I sought to build a joint ministry. One partner is gone now, so what is to become of that ministry which we believed GOD had a hand in I do not know. I do know that I don’t want to do anything the LORD is not in, and so ministry, though wide open, has a narrow door.
I am an author and as such, felt the writing I did to encourage others to pray for Alan when he was sick was a culmination of all my writing effort and experience gained over the last twenty years. Do I continue? Yes, for now, unless the LORD guides me otherwise.
I am a mother and a step mother; I “look after” those put in my care just as Alan would have done, for into their future these others may look, but I see and pray and stand for them. I take nothing for granted except that GOD is love and I reflect GOD to those in my care.
Life is light and love and freedom in Christ. Life is hope and joy and truth to share with others. Life has changed entirely, in an instant. The moment Alan passed away I became a new person, and I am slowly becoming acquainted with “her”. I pray I will maintain the wisdom and integrity of my husband, and discover the purpose and role and even the identity of myself as a single person who loves the LORD, loves her family, loves the spiritual family within the church of our LORD, and loves herself.
And as for purpose? Ultimately, it is to reflect the glory of GOD. In the more immediate, I simply do not know… but “he who waits upon the LORD shall renew his strength…” (Isaiah 40:31) and so I wait. I also hope, reflect on His word, remember Alan and his principles, and take delight in the sunshine, the fresh air, the thoughts, impressions and memories of my earlier life as a married woman. Most of all, I seek the presence of the LORD and all that brings to uplift us me; that for me and any follower if Jesus, is what quenches, fills and moves us forward.
Hallelujah, the LORD reigns, in and through us, moving us forward and lifting us upward into the call and purpose and identity of Jesus. Amen.