Categories
Reflections and Poetry

On My Own

In my mind

I quest

an idea

and grasp

a thought

without company

soundlessness

escapes 

conversation.

Solitude —

quiet imaginings

fill me

with ease.

I rejoice in 

my own conversation.

Stillness

encompasses

so I can

create.

Categories
Reflections and Poetry

Testosterone: a reflection

The difference between male and female is testosterone. 

There are a number of biological differences, and similarities, between men and women, but for the purpose of this reflection, I focus on testosterone:)

When my son comes home on weekends from boarding school, it is lovely to see him. We get on quite well, even though we’ve not got a lot of interests in common at the moment. He has handled the recent, untimely passing of his father with great maturity, resolve and has drawn closer to me. I am grateful for that. I have handled the death with dignity and confidence in the LORD too. We both are doing alright… 

BUT to my point: when my son comes home part of my mind goes into a muddle.

That muddled thinking often occurred when speaking to my husband too. I thought it was that I was a bit overwhelmed by Alan’s personal power, but I reconsider that now, as it’s happening with Jordan too…. I think it’s the testosterone!

I wonder if that is one way of understanding, “Your desire will be for your husband, And he shall rule over you”? (Genesis 3:16)

The major way this muddle manifests/ed itself is in my memory and my speech; when I wanted to explain something to my husband, I would forget aspects or not explain as thoroughly as I would with a female friend — or even a male friend. The strong emphasis on chronological logical sequencing was what Alan needed, and I was weak on that, depending somewhat more upon aesthetic communication. 

My son and I communicate quite well. But I find my memory of things I want to do or to talk about gets pushed into the background; I frustrate him because I don’t finish conversations, but I can’t finish conversations because he is impatient and I feel the pressure from that.

I think it is testosterone that is affecting me.

In my husband’s case, he preferred I explain things a certain way so that he could understand. With my son, he prefers I get on quickly and thoroughly. In both cases, they have a strong preference counter to my own style, and the pressure puts me in a muddle. Who they are in my life and the value I place upon my relationship with them is a psychological reason I might feel pressure. But I also suspect that pressure is fuelled in them by their testosterone and passed onto me.

I wonder: does anyone have a similar experience?

Categories
Reflections and Poetry

Loneliness is

Loneliness is a lack of shared memories

Its cure is creating new ones

Categories
Reflections and Poetry

Life is in the Blood – fourth phase of Covid: Aftermath p2 Where Angels Tread

Six months have passed since Alan went to be with his Lord and Saviour, Yeshua Jesus. Through this time, the road I have travelled has been amazing… horrible because I’ve lost my life companion and best friend, my son and step daughter have lost their dad far too soon, and a wonderful Bible teacher has shared his last message on earth. BUT GOD…. In His majesty, wonder, and grace, has given all of us His comfort, encouragement; our brothers and sisters in faith have ensured we were built up through prayer cover. I would not wish this journey on anyone, but this experience has demonstrated how GOD can be so close, how life can be full of joy in spite of sorrow, and how there are always surprises which are life-giving and rich.

I’d like to round off this series Life is in the Blood over the next couple of weeks, because moving forward means dealing with the past and engaging with the future. That, I hope, is what I’ve conveyed in this series.

The Angelic in this Story

There has been increasing discussion about angels recently, in Christian circles. In the past believers were discouraged from engaging with angels because they may be “angels of light” — such as Mohammed encountered and from whom he was swayed from Yehovah GOD.

But these days, we are learning more about the blessing angels offer as we allow them to be a part of our walk with the LORD.

In my time battling for Alan during his illness, I believe I encountered angels. 

An angel to clear Alan’s lungs

It began with a close friend H, who now lives on the other side of the world, telling me she’d sent her guardian angel to watch over Alan. I was dubious (though this is a godly woman whom I love and cherish). But within days another bold man of GOD J said the LORD had told him He was sending an angel to clear Alan’s lungs.

Whoa! I thought… this IS GOD and I wrote to ask my friend H more about her understanding of angels.

I prayed for Alan and began to research about angels. One night soon after, I saw in the Spirit an angel standing next to the kidney machine beside Alan’s bed. The angel was immovable. He was not vast, nor small, just an immovable, not-to-be-distracted entity who stood guard. 

The next day the doctors said they had managed to clear one of Alan’s lungs by drawing 2L of fluid away. The other lung had less fluid but was trickier to access so they left it alone. In any case, Alan’s breathing almost immediately began to improve and this was a major step in his being able to be taken off the ventilator.

An angel to comfort me

I continued with research into angels during that time. Since my conversations with H and J, I discovered there has been a great deal of anti-angel information circulating which originated at the end of the 19th century and which we seem to hold on to. So, with guardedness, I allowed myself to consider the idea of angels in our present situation.

My appointed angel?

I experienced the presence of several which I found a comfort; but there was one in particular, whom I don’t sense now but did during the worst (coma) and best (return to consciousness) of Alan’s situation, and then after his death as well.

All I can say is that there was a comforting presence in my room on different occasions as I prayed. She did not interfere, she did not speak. She comforted. I did not have conversations with her, I did not exchange the presence of the Holy Spirit for her. She was simply another source of comfort. And sometimes I released her — and other angels to watch over Alan, simply by asking them to do so.

Where Angels tread

I am being deliberately vague in this post. If I were to write a book about the whole situation, I would write more. But I don’t want to push or cause anyone to strain or stumble. What I will say, with assurance and confidence, is that even the conservative Evangelist Billy Graham wrote a book about angels, that they are a support, comfort, and source of help, that we in the Evangelical and Charismatic “born again” branch of our faith in Jesus have largely ignored.

They are a source of help. We need to dig deeper. We must tread carefully, definitely, so we don’t substitute the glory of angels for the glory of GOD. But I do strongly suspect that we are missing something we truly may need as we continue through these Last Days.

Every blessing….

Sarah

Categories
Reflections and Poetry

Isolation: One Cure

Loneliness is a 

disease where

internal provocation 

degenerates into 

sadness

Aloneness eats your 

heart, mind, strength.

One cure

only:

Jesus.

*

People comfort

people care

friendship blossoms

sometimes leading to despair

belonging helps

family makes strength

but inner aloneness

breeds

emptiness

nothing can fill

but Jesus.

*

Awaken to truth

know

thyself

be true

Isolation’s constrained

when one becomes

two

Lead on

friendship so dear:

Jesus

master

teacher

brother

guide

and friend.

Categories
Reflections and Poetry

Quiet Sadness

Laughter

from a distance

echoes an

Intimacy

long-passed

*

Peace

drifts from within

to somewhere

outside

in sorrow

*

Be still

I know

and yet within

is solitude

unnerving

*

There is

a quiet sadness

within me

that is

unknowable

*

Undeniable

unsolvable

unyielding

unbending

unquenchable

*

And yet

there remains

Hope

however illusive

it holds me

Categories
Reflections and Poetry

Impatience is Arrogance: a poem

Hurry up! 

I tell myself

Anyone listening?

*

Hear my voice!

(Not supplication 

but demand)

*

Make a way

For me, my time

is short and you must obey.

*

Fruit of GOD

is patience

surrounded by Love.

*

Love not World

Rush not self

wrapped in its own cloak

*

Impatience

impatiently

demands its rights.

*

Seek

selflessness

Fruitless impatience

arrogance its root.

*

Uproot it!

Cleanse the heart

revoke demand.

*

Grace abound

peace 

— not hurried stress.

*

Purity lives…

Simplicity

covers me in Love

*

Let my heart

take time:

be still and know Love.

*

We’re not GOD

Not god of time

Love lead on.

*

Tomorrow comes 

after today 

unto day…

*

Love life!

In patience

humility lives

*

While arrogance

dies a death

then Love leads on.

*

Sacrificing,

our time moves on

living our moments

*

Breath of life

Love of man

breathe humility

over me.

Categories
Reflections and Poetry

Rejoice in All Things

Rejoice in all things

the Saviour is

noticing

Even desperate situations

make way for 

Rejoicing

when we know Jesus is 

Near

Categories
Reflections and Poetry

Sometimes Celebration

Sometimes

Everything is perfect

Sometimes

Joy fills the air

Sometimes 

just as God works all to His good

Sometimes 

we see it, experience it

and can celebrate it.

Sometimes

there is no sorrow

Sometimes

there is no pain

Sometimes

we smile, laugh, rejoice

*

Always

God is good

Always

He is watching over

Always

He loves

protects and

Sometimes 

we receive

Then our hearts

make gladness

when we do.

Categories
Reflections and Poetry

Today I said goodbye: a poem

Today

an ordinary morning

began early 

with business

merging into reflection

time with music

in the background

familiar tunes

of spiritual songs

without words this time

just me

my Bible

memories

and you.

*

Today 

I said goodbye 

aloud

softly, still

out loud

and cried

at the thought

of your spirit

present yet far

rejoicing 

distance too far

for me to join.

*

Today

I wish

without fret

that you might have stayed

not ill

not dying

not gone

but here.

*

Today 

I said 

goodbye

knowing somehow

there is a difference

wishing there wasn’t

accepting you’re gone

regretting your strength

that kept you going

for so long

only to die

in the end

asleep

with Jesus

but not with me.

*

Today

I said

goodbye.